We Made Out in a Tree and This Old Guy Sat and Watched Us

The following is the ninth installment in an ongoing list kept by the contributor and his roommates and friends:

121. He’s Harder Than A Real Dog

122. Grand’s Not A Number, It’s A Golden Retriever
123. I’m Always A Step Ahead Of My Burritos
124. An Empty Beer Cooler Is A Lonely Place
125. Are All Adopted Guys Gay? (Or Just That One)
126. The Harder You Think, The Softer I Get
127. He’s Beating The Cheese With A Frying Pan
128. He’s Pee Wee Herman Twice Removed (Or Something)
129. There’s No Buddhists To Take Care Of Me In Idaho
130. I’m Gonna Be Crazy Like My Mom When I’m Old
131. I Never Knew How Dark My Hair Was Till I Saw It On The Floor
132. You Always Take Away My Choo Choo Train
133. I May Take Up Fire Breathing
134. You Can’t Punch A Plate Into A Computer
135. Boiling Water Shouldn’t Make A Stank

The following is the eighth installment in an ongoing list kept by the contributor and his roommates and friends:

106. A Watched Laura Never Finishes

107. I’ve Seen Your Crack And I’m Not Interested
108. I’m A Real Cow: Look At My Udders!
109. I Was About To Tell You That I Don’t Know, But Then I Remembered I Do
110. The Bad Kind Of Hud Is The Worst Kind Of Hud There Is
111. We Lost Shane Battier’s Light
112. Time Screwed Me Over Once
113. You Can Roll the Other Way, But You Can’t Roll the Other Way
114. Mom Falls Farther Than Most People When You Push Her
115. Paintin’ Walls Is Small Potatoes
116. I Opened The Jelly With No Plans To Eat It
117. Mary Ellen Edmunds Hugged Me At Sam’s Club
118. Him + A Mattress = Me
119. Is It Last Night Already?
120. He Gets It Down Low And Blows The Bunny

The following is the seventh installment in an ongoing list kept by the contributor and his roommates and friends:

91. I’m Getting In My Idaho State Of Mind

92. I’m Not Sure We Can Do A Scene In A Spleen
93. They Steal My Donuts, Then They Steal My Thunder
94. I Don’t Want Any More of Your Eye
95. You Never Throw Mail At The Feet Of A Urinating Man
96. I’m Glad to Know You’re Always There to Do My Echo for Me
97. You’re Spending the Night in the Law Library with Your Kiwis
98. Are You A Single Mother? (The Window Wants To Know)
99. I’ve Always Slept Better With A Bone In My Ear
100. I Had To Chew To Get It Back Down
101. I Always Get an Ear Infection After I Eat at Wendy’s
102. I Lied When I Closed the Door
103. To Look at the Screen Saver With Blind Eyes
104. That’s Why They Don’t Put Rivers On The Internet
105. Excluding The Weather, It Felt Like Summer

The following is the sixth installment in an ongoing list kept by the contributor and his roommates and friends:

76. I Have a Nine-Year-Old Son (Last Year He Was Eight)
77. You’re Ripping up the Pieces of My Box
78. You Can’t Times a Gender
79. He Is Him, and I Still Don’t Know, That’s Why I’m So Scared
80. Manhandled By A 340-Pound Guy
81. You Used To Be My Joystick
82. I Fart All The Way Home Every Night
83. I Turned You Into A Giant White Of Your Eye
84. Move It Or Lose It, And I’d Suggest Move It, ‘Cause You’d Look Funny Without It
85. My Muffler Fell Off In Barstow
86. Are You Giving Away Someone Else’s Nanners?
87. I Got Home After I Came Home
88. I Would Be My Twin If I Was Another Person
89. If Evil is This Good, Then I’ll Take Evil
90. I Thought My Scissors Could Cut His Rock, But They Couldn’t

The following is the fifth installment in an ongoing list kept by the contributor and his roommates and friends:

61. Love Made Me Big

62. I’m Not Going to Start Now, but If I Was Going to Start Now, Now Would Be a Good Time to Start
63. A Rose by Any Other Name Still Has My Wallet
64. Stick Him in the Finger (’Cuz You Can’t Get to His Heart)
65. A Mouth Full of Chewy Food and the Phone Rings
66. He Ingores His Toys and Bites His Dad
67. I Have to Go to Church to See My Husband
68. Why Would You Name Your Wife Francois?
69. I Guess Those Aren’t Complimentary Pumpkins
70. Someone Keeps Kicking Me in the Butt (I’m Guessing It’s Someone Behind Me)
71. For the Love of Chub!
72. We Planned Our Date and Ate a Cake
73. Why Should I Deal with True Love When All I Want Is Corndogs?
74. You’re Seven Feet Tall (Now Start Acting Like It)
75. I’m a Boy in the Back of a Girl’s Apartment

The following is the fourth installment in an ongoing list kept by the contributor and his roommates and friends:

46. How Many Offs Are There?

47. Check Your Diploma at the Door
48. I Got Some Lovin’ From the Vietnamese People
49. The “-Ando” is the “-Ing”
50. I Love You, but I Can’t Love You, Because I Love My Dog
51. You Throw Away Money and Wish for Death
52. My Eyes Don’t Read Parentheses
53. I Felt a Little Sharp of Pain (Oooh. There It Is Again)
54. Ice Cream in his Pocket
55. As Excited As A One-Armed Man Can Be
56. I Ain’t Got An Ankle To Favor
57. It Looks Like Me to Me
58. We’re Going in the Buff, Thermostatically Speaking
59. Did She Ask Why You Asked, When You Asked Her That?
60. I’d Love to Help, but the Tumor Is Growing So Fast

The following is the third installment in an ongoing list kept by the contributor and his roommates and friends:

31. I Can Call Macey’s on a Saturday Night

32. Does Somebody Have a Penny (I Don’t Wanna Break a Nickel)
33. Where is the World From Here?
34. You Can’t Make Your Right Hand Your Left Hand (No Matter How Hard You Try)
35. He Forgot That His Daddy’s a Boy - and His Grandpa
36. Beer helps (everybody’s a winner with a beer in their hand)
37. Please (We’ve Seen Enough Butts for One Day!)
38. I Cried When My Hamsters Died
39. What Good is Asia without any Borders?
40. In The Corner Of My Eyes (It’s Kinda Watery)
41. Where Did The Basters Come From?
42. I Think I’m the Only Me that’s Here
43. The Naked Hoboes Were Right
44. The Most Boring Thousand Years of Your Life
45. Sharp As A Really Dull Knife

The following is the second installment in an ongoing list kept by the contributor and his roommates and friends:

16. He Takes Most of His Calls in the Bathroom

17. Angels Don’t Got Hairy Chests
18. The Only Asian in Kentucky
19. Is There Blood on the Frisbee?
20. I Dear John’ed a Chinese Gymnast
21. Hold Your Apron and Run!
22. Don’t Fail Me For Nipples
23. I Got White Legs and a Complex
24. Did You Go to Beto’s?
25. You Lead Me Better than B-Tuck
26. I Usta Wanna Date a Fajita
27. It’s Good to Get Lucky Every Once in a While
28. Home is Not a Place for Girls
29. Grandma’s on a Steamroller
30. That’s the Bird that Groped Me

The following is the first installment in an ongoing list kept by the contributor and his roommates and friends:

1. Pneumonia of the Heart

2. A Mail Key Of My Own
3. Me and The Dead Amigo
4. I Bleached It in Riverton
5. Is That the Lamp That Burned You?
6. Playing With the Black Light and Detergent
7. I Got Britain on My Knee (And Hawaii on My Neck)
8. Turn Off The Lights And Put In A Video
9. He’s Taking My VCR Away
10. The Universal Communal Doodling Pad
11. The Substitute Baker at Macey’s
12. In the Privacy of My Own Cat-Ridden Home
13. I Lost One Sandal in the Colorado
14. There’s Gotta Be Shoes In That Tree
15. It Sounded Like Sex to Me

The contributor found this poem written on the wall of cabin no. 10 at Washington Creek Campground, Isle Royale National Park:

sunshine
sun is bright
sun makes light
sunshine
sun is hot
lets smoke pot
sunshine
pot is cold
is easy to be sold
pot
no stems no seeds
that’s finer weed
pot
flower tops
here come the cops
pigs
run, run, run
there’s no more fun
pigs
sitting in jail
pissing in a pail
busted
sentenced for life
for smoking a pipe
busted