Each of the following was either overheard or copy/pasted directly from online chats from the contributor’s students:
–”The desert in Nevada is better then a city, what do u suggest we do with it?”
–”Dude, I am the epiphany of the dumb jock.”
–”If u do not get a message that it is cancelled, and u haven’t because they have not posted one, it is not cancelled.”
–”For my final project for biology, I need ten Scottish boys and girls.”
–”But i don’t feel like wandering outside and yelling ‘hoodie-hoo.’”
–”Could anyone sell me a Catch 22 for a dollar?”
–”The color of the wind will give you a color of imagines about Chinese music.”
–”Does anyone have or know of anyone who has (and would be willing to sell, or maybe even give away) one of those rolling joints that you sit on. I think ‘chairs’ might be the term, but I want to emphasize the rolling aspect.”
–”It would be even better if it had explosions and cars crashing into orphanages!”
–”If the earth is round how did they put it on a flat paper?”
–”When I said “harmless” my intention was to convey that Wendy’s is not a multinational corporation that forces its workers to work 12 hours a day for two dollars a week making shoes.”
Overheard outside the psychology building at UCLA:
“I don’t know what brains taste like, but it looks like cauliflower so I figure it tastes the same too.”
Two comments from the contributor’s junior high students:
“Mrs. Jennings, what ever happened to Spain? Is it still a country?”
After asking the class if they had any questions one girl raised her hand and said, “No, but I need to ask you something.”
Posted by Heather Manwaring under
Web Sites No Comments
“Keep your hearts warm while the weather is cool.”
http://www.smittenmittens.com
Posted by Erica Himebaugh under
Web Sites 1 Comment
The Website of Russian rapper ILL Mitch.
http://www.illmitch.com
Overheard phone call on Halloween in Salem, MA, which, according to the contributor, “is like hell’s version of Mardi Gras”:
“Apparently I’m the inadequate one tonight because I’m the only one not running around with my underwear on my head.”
Spoken in an ethics class by the contributor’s “sweet, white-haired professor, a woman who reminds me strikingly of someone’s grandmother”:
“Well, I’m not having to make decisions about smothering babies. Most of the time. And I usually don’t have to decide whether to have sex with a jailer.”
(From the contributor: “This is poetry written on squares of cheap blue toilet paper taped to the back of the bathroom door in my apartment:”)
Roses are red
This TP is blue
We hope this poetry
Amuses you!
3 little alpacas
Sitting in a barn
They were castrated today
And didn’t care a darn
“Thank you techs”
They all said
Now when asked their gender
Their faces become red
So if you’re a guy
Don’t get Andrea mad
Or else she may take off
One of your gonads.
***
All hail the Dollar Store
Where with less you can get more.
A buck an item can’t be beat;
Shopping there is such a treat!
So join with me as I holler,
“Three cheers for the All A Dollar!”
***
The TP looks nice
Use it and the truth comes out
It feels like napkins
***
Andrea’s future:
A Blackfood alpaca farm
Mike will be her man
***
Batman underoos
Hiding in the apartment
Where will they be next?
Posted by Deborah Wohlschlegel under
Poetry and Lyrics No Comments
Poem from a Southern Texas Country Cookbook “Plesanton’s American Bicentennial Cookbook 1776-1976″:
Ballad of the Vegetables
A Potato went out on a mash,
And sought an Onion bed.
“That’s Pie for me!” observed the Squash,
And all the Beets turned red.
“Go way!” the Onion weeping said,
Your love I cannot be.
The Pumpkin be your lawful bride
You Canteloupe with me.”
But onward still the Tuber came
And lay down at her feet.
You Cauliflower by any name
And it will smell as Wheat,
And I, too, as an early Rose.
And you, I’ve come to see
So don’t Turnip your lonely nose
But Spinachat with me.
I do not Carrot all to wed
So go sir, if you please
The modest Onion meekly said
And Lettuce pray, have Peas!
Go, think that you have never seen
Myself, or smelled my sign.
To long a maiden I have been
For favor in your Rye!
Ah, spare a cuss! the Tuber prayed
My Cherryshed bride to be
You are the only weeping maid
That’s Currant now with me.
And as the wily Tuber spoke,
He caught her by surprise.
And giving her an Artichoke
Devoured her with his eyes.
(Buffalo Cookery: The the ladies of St. Lukes Sunday School, Buffalo, Wyoming, 1907.)
(From the contributor: “Teaching school (especially junior high) provides so many opportunities to laugh. Here are two emails I received from a parent. I have left the spelling and punctuation intact but have removed names to keep my job.”)
HELLO
DID YOU EVER GET MARK TO COME BACK DOWN TO TALK TO YOU
MRS B IS THAT WHO WOULDNT LET MARK MAKE UP HIS WORK
I THINK SHE HAS SOMETHING AGAINST MARK SOME DAY S YA MARK IS HARD TO
WORK
WITH WHEN HE DONT WANT TO DO IT BUT US AS PARENTS NEED TO KNOW THIS
ALSO
THANKS AND IF YOU HAVE ANY PROUBLEMS WITH HIM PLEASE LET ME KNOW
THANKS FOR HELPING ME
thanks for all you do i just dont know how i can help why hes at school all but stay in touch with the teachers and some dont wrtie back but keep a tight grip on him and if i can do any thing please let me know i talk and talk and talk some times it dont click