The following is the tenth installment in an ongoing list kept by the contributor and his roommates and friends:
136. Even Your Toilet Reminds You Of Him
137. Why Would Someone Want A Single To Be A Plural
138. They All Wanted To Talk To The Girl Who Fell In The Manhole
139. He’s The Cutest Jewish Boy I’ve Ever Not Known
140. Boys Don’t S’posed To Get In Leotards
141. He Gets A Lot Of Squirt For His Sprite
142. Thirty-Five Years Between ‘Em And A Whole Lotta Crazy
143. I’ve Never Met A Book That Had Trouble Like This One
144. It’s Hard To See Below My Nose
145. A Dance Without Music Is No Dance At All
146. There’s A Handful Of Butt In Her Hand, And It’s Mine
147. I Don’t Care If I Have Sinful Taste Buds
148. It’s Just A Matter Of Following The Roger In My Head
149. Who Put Potpourri On My Nut Drivers?
150. Who Am I To Delve Into The Mind Of A Shoeless Man?
Spoken by the contributor’s high school economics teacher:
See, the earth is like a big rubber ball. If you take stuff out of it, something’s going to happen.
The contributor’s English class was discussing a story they had read, and one girl asked the following question:
Girl: So, what was the Russian guy’s nationality?
From the contributor:
This is from the “Usage Manual” for a mini RC stunt car. The translation is horrible all the way through, resulting in some very memorable bad English. I’ve offered my favorites here.
From the “Safe Rule” section:
1.prohibition against 3 years old below of child usage;
2.play attention. you of finger,hair,clothes…etc.don’t touch and car wheel,in order to prevent quilt harm.
3.car while driving not want to by hand grasp it.
4.don’t let the remote control close to any fire with car original;(such as electric stove,stove beside or mightiness of sunlight bottom)
From the “Operation” section:
5) The erection go forwards to take the contrary hour hand direction of ex- round to hover around.
(Note: I’m not making this up.)
Finally, from the top of the page, in a little inset supposedly there to alert us to the requirements:
1.Is not suitable for the 3 years old and the following child.
2.Before biginning uses must hard finish reading this manual
3.Suggestion is under the person’s leading usage.
All I can say is that the comment about how I can’t “uses” before “hard finish reading this manual” could have ruined Christmas.
Click here and here to see scanned images of these instructions. (Only the contributor’s favorites are listed; there is more in the images.)