We Made Out in a Tree and This Old Guy Sat and Watched Us

Sitting on a Sydney, Australia, bus, the contributor overheard one 15-year-old boy saying to his buddy:

Yeah, and I woke up the next morning with my arm around the vacuum cleaner.

A few things overheard by the contributor:

Outside school:

Oh my god, you like totally couldn’t be more gayer!

Downtown:

How do they build the buildings so close together?

In school:

With all the bombs we drop on the Middle East, why hasn’t it sinked

At a middle school basketball game, the contributor overheard this conversation between two young blonde girls:

Girl 1: Hey, the White House is in Washington, right?
Girl 2: Yeah.
Girl 1: Washington D.C., right?
Girl 2: That’s the only Washington there is.
Girl 1: No it’s not!
Girl 2: Yes it is.
Girl 1: No, there’s a Washington state right above … um … Oregon, I think.
Girl 2: No there’s not!
Girl 1: Yes, I am telling you there is.
Girl 2: No, Montana is above Oregon.
Girl 1: No, let me go get my Humanities atlas and see.
[Seven minutes elapse…]
Girl 1: See, right there: Washington state!
Girl 2: No way, let me see!
Girl 1: Right there! HA! Wow, I didn’t know there was a West Virginia!
Girl 2: Of course, you stupid retard!
Girl 1: Well you didn’t know there was a Washington! So there!
Girl 2: Fine we’re even. [Flips pages in atlas.]
Girl 1: Whoa … what’s Bangladesh?
Girl 2: Just shut up!

Overheard in a restaurant:

When I was younger I always wanted to be Doris Day; then I realized someone was already her.

The following is the fourteenth installment in an ongoing list kept by the contributor and his roommates and friends:

196. There Was A Big Pig Leak
197. I’m Looking At You Through A Hole In A Ruler
198. Just Take My Word For It, Juanita!
199. Was That A Fart Or A Stomach Growl?
200. I Got Rear-Ended In Chinatown
201. There’s Nothin’ Less Funny Than Bad Mountain Humor
202. There’s A Crouton Under My Chicken
203. If A Giraffe Can’t Do It, Nobody Can
204. I’m Looking At A Port-A-Potty (Does That Bring Back Memories?)
205. If You’re Big Before You’re Old, It’s Good To Have Something To Crap In
206. I Wish I Had Met You When I Wasn’t On Medication
207. If I Could Get An Orange That Was As Low-Maintenance As An Apple, I’d Be A Happy Man
208. Our Minds Are Kinda Like Google
209. It’s Been A While (Since I Peed In The Sink)
210. Can I Pick Korea Even Though They Aren’t On The List?

Over on www.ericdsnider.com, Eric D. Snider (the creator of WeMadeOut) has a message board. Eric is a writer and a film critic, and there is a semi-regular visitor to the board named RayJay who thinks the same can be said of himself. Here is a line from his review of “The Grudge” (we recommend that you read the entire review, and then click around the rest of the site if you’re so inclined):

Well to understand the premese of the movie you need to look at what is beleved behind the movie!

…

i give this movie a yellow light due to the fact that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be and it did scare me a little (if it didn’t scare me i would of gaven it a red light but because i was shivering ill give it a yellow light)!

From a profile on MySpace:

i’m really talkative… but when i have to talk in english… i just stay really really quiet. f***ing s***! well… i love to drink, cigarretes are my friends (nicotine, tar and carbon monoxide, i love’em!!) i love music, i couldnt live without music. i havent any light in my bedroom, and for that, my bedroom is a f***ing mess!!! i cant find anything there… where the f*** is my shoe??! i’ve been looking for it for 3 days! my cat hates me. and she have all the reasons to do it…jeje coz i bite her, sometimes i beat her, i tryed to give her a bath, but she dont like it…f***ing dirty cat!! i have a lot of scratches in my hands…my hair looks like a wig. coz is really really curly. i mean, REALLY curly! (…f***ing wig…) hmm.. i think it’s all for now. i want to go to drink some coffee…(do you know Tweek? sometimes i become in Tweek when i drink caffeine… that’s f***ing awesome and funny) aaaanyway….bye.

From the contributor: There is a message board that I visit, and during Christmas, some people decided to send each other presents. A girl started a thread about how some people did not receive their presents from their Secret Santa (referred to as “ss”), and another girl responded with the following:

i wasnt your ss but me and sharon couldnt remember who mine was as it had got deleted off my computer she then explained u didnt receive a gift and i said i would send u a gift im sorry your upset and like i said before your gift is on its way i bought 2 mod ss gifts then the board ss and i received one mod gift back but u dont here me all upset i guess it just happens but again your gift is on your way

Sitting in a Geneseo, New York, Denny’s at 2 a.m. one Friday night, the contributor and her friend overheard one side of a phone conversation. The side they could hear was spoken by a big, muscular guy wearing a fraternity shirt. His side of the conversation was as follows:

Man, you totally missed it. That girl who was all over Mike was there tonight and she wouldn’t catch a clue. Yeah. He kept telling her to get away from him and she wouldn’t. So we dumped beer on her.
[pause, listening to response]
Dude, what do avacados have to do with anything?

From the contributor: Here are a few random/funny things I’ve overheard.

My friend, completely out of nowhere:

My cousin tried to drown me once. Now she’s pregnant. That’s called Karma.

A classmate, before a chemistry test:

Are we going to be counted off for wrong answers?

My grandpa, while watching a news report about computer viruses:

That internet sounds like trouble to me.