We Made Out in a Tree and This Old Guy Sat and Watched Us

The contributor has an ad on several websites, looking for a roommate to move in when her current roommate moves out soon. She received the following email from someone who probably won’t get the spot:

From: XXXXXXXXXXX
Date: Jul 28, 2006 8:16 AM
Subject: The report mail it sends from the www.share-accommodation.net .
To: xxxxxx@gmail.com

How are you. I am 26 murderous intent males who live in Korea. It is a plan which will enter into the household head at September 5th. It searches the place where it will stay. Moving in wants knowing the possible cold region in September. I visit initially in the household head. English it cannot do well, but a lot, it appears not to becoming the problem. If possibility be and give the liaison with the mail. Korea hands down elegy today. Is the piece weather how? Good one day~

From an article about termites:

Meanwhile, several signs to alert you to a subterranean termite infestation include:
-Mud tubes.
-Damaged or “hollow� sounding wood.
-Dead termites or wings.
-Live termites.
-Swarming termites.

An old, senile woman at the contributor’s church was at the pulpit preaching about a variety of things, including the following:

There are also a lot of foods I can’t eat anymore. Chocolate, for example: White chocolate, the dark chocolate, and the milk chocolate, which is the kind babies love so much. And I know that, in the next life, the men will be the ones who have the babies. [At this point, she concluded and sat down, then turned to the lady next to her and added:] And I bet you’re wondering how the men will have the babies. [Dramatic pause.] Through the rectum.