We Made Out in a Tree and This Old Guy Sat and Watched Us

Instructions on a small fountain:

“Recommendation: For the first time start using the fountains, please make the wet road first on the stone, so that will be helping water falls smoothly.”

Slogan for a grape-flavored candy called Muscat Gummy:

“Its translucent color so alluring and taste and aroma so gentle and mellow offer admiring feelings of a graceful lady. Enjoy soft and juicy Kasugai Muscat Gummy.”

From a Japanese pornography site, offering viewers a chance to leave if they are under-age:

Adult contents is contained in this site
An entrance under 20 years old is refused rigidly
[click one:]
I leave because it is under 20 years old.
I enter because it is over 20 years old.

Product slogans in Japan. Note that these are not translations: These are the actual slogans, exactly as they are printed on the product:

“Have you ever wanted to eat a master of curry? Now you can. This is it.” — generic curry

“Kobeya was established in 1918. We wish all the time to be able to provide you fresh bread and to propose to you a joy of eating life with bread. Especially, we want to be a host at dinner of your kitchen. We are waiting for you with various kinds of breads, cakes, and sandwiches.” — Kobeya Kitchen Restaurant

“Tohato choco chip cookie is baked in a way handmade-like. The cookie gives flavors of its ingredients. Let’s enjoy the cookie with its smooth texture and rich flavor for family tea and children’s snack.” — Tohato chocolate chip cookies

“Why don’t you try Yaki-Ichigo? It’s crunchy and melts frothily in your mouth.” — Yaki-Ichigo candy

“Try Three F hamburgers. You will be sure you will be satisfied.” — Three F Hamburgers

“Puzzling scenes that come and go in ordinary life. They make me feel lovely. And I feel lovely with them. Let me be one of the things that make you smile.” — fabric tissues

“She’s so casually individual, so casually suseptible.” — photo album

“Policemen Dropping in this store.” — Three F convenience stores

“Aiming high is much valuable through one’s life.” — Campux Mate notepads

“A sound mind in a sound boby.” [not a typo] — Fild Spinner bicycles

“Hanataba is a soft colored tissue paper taking advantage of the regenerated paper having affection for the earth. It’s refreshing fragrance sends you a comfortable time.” — Hanataba Toilet Paper

“I like morning move. Bring me happy life, healthy life, and gentile mind. ‘Gorilla’ is very strong. Because he has patience, hearty action, and…gentile mind.” — Gorilla Bathroom Scales

“Symbolizing the Three F philosophy in which we aim at discovering every need in daily life and an emitting base of creation and suggestions of new life, this mark consists of three forms with free strokes. The round shape of ‘Circle Green’ which gives a feeling of warmth represents the earth fostering us and a solidarity ring combining the new life style of people who are increasingly becoming sensible with local communities to support the people’s happy and healthy lives. The bright heart of ‘Heart Red’ represents information emitting energy, indespensable for today’s convinience stores and the ’service mind for rich lives.’ The bright star of ‘Star Blue’ represents Three F attitude of trying to materialize a peaceful and affluent future. When today’s lifestyle exists free from uniformal patterns, our store itself is a message for the people of a new kind. Thus, as the core of our message, this mark symbolizes the Spirit of Three F rendering thoughtful services.” — Three F Convenience Stores mission statement

Product slogans in Japan. Note that these are not translations: These are the actual slogans, exactly as they are printed on the product:

“This is a soft touch toilet roll paper. This product makes your life clean and happy.” — Flie Ben Toilet Paper

“This is full of device to derive deliciousness.” — Cooking Corrections Cookware

“In the morning I wake up in sound spirits I find PULLMAN on the table, coffee just made up, the toast being perfect brown; they are my great pleasure.” — Pullman Bread

“There’s a gallon of deliciousness in every drop. Reach for the taste of great taste, reach for Dydo.” — Dydo Beverage Company

“Natural yeast provides a naturally enjoyable rich taste. We support your wonderful life with delicious bread.” — Bouberger Bread

“Confidence of creating deliciousness. This tastiness cannot be carried even by both hands.” — Choco Bouchee Snack Cakes

“A delicious drink born from a blend of know-how aquired over many years and advanced production technology…a drink you are sure to enjoy.” — Halftime Beverages

“Canned beverage makes you refresh. We carefully did the best selection. They are outstanding above others.” — Be Fresh Beverages

“Well mellowed taste and flavor surely make you feel at ease.” — Fountain Fresh Beverages

“Nature is the best physician. But nature is being destroyed in the cities.” — Natural Soap

“Be active be fantastic be vigorous be joyful and a fighting spirit” — Hosei New Sporty Life Clothes

From the inside of a hotel room in Irkutsk, Russia, on the subject of fire safety:

In case of a fire in your room:
Arrange to liquidation of fire by being available means.
If to liquidate the center of burning by the forces it is not obviously possible, leave a room and close a door, not locking he on the lock.
If corridors and ladders is strong in smoke, and to leave premises is impossible, remain in your room, by opening of a window.
To avoid a poisoning of smoke, close cracks of an aperature by towels moistened with water and bed fittings.

Reprinted exactly as found on the wrapper of a pair of chopsticks:

Welcome to Chinese Restaurant
please try your Nice Chinese Food With Chopsticks
the traditional and typical of Chinese glonous history.
and cultual.

BAMBOO CHOPSTLCKS
PRODUCT OF CHINA

Tuk under thurnb
and held firmly

Learn how to use your chopsticks
Add second chcostick
hold it as you hold a pencil

Hold tirst chopstick
in originai position
move the second
one up and down
Now you can pick
up anything!

PRODUCTOF
CHINA

(From the contributor: “These are excerpts from a Chinese Restaurant menu that was left on our doorstep recently. The name of the restaurant is Noble Court Seafood Restaurant.”)

Under “Soup”:
Eight Treasure Bean Curd
West Lake Beef

Under “Chef’s Suggestions”:
Seafood Wor Bar (Singing Rice)
Prawns and Scallops in a Love Nest
Shrimp Reunion - Bay shrimp sauteed with peas in a wine sauce, joined with pan fried prawns, no shrimp lover and could resist.

Under “Seafood”:
Nobel Court Four Treasures