Sitting in a Geneseo, New York, Denny’s at 2 a.m. one Friday night, the contributor and her friend overheard one side of a phone conversation. The side they could hear was spoken by a big, muscular guy wearing a fraternity shirt. His side of the conversation was as follows:

Man, you totally missed it. That girl who was all over Mike was there tonight and she wouldn’t catch a clue. Yeah. He kept telling her to get away from him and she wouldn’t. So we dumped beer on her.
[pause, listening to response]
Dude, what do avacados have to do with anything?